I have a very useful tip here, one that, it appears, many men haven’t come across yet. Obviously, this doesn’t apply to most of the people who read my blog, but I offer it up in case anyone’s confused. It’s a very simple tip:
The ONLY way you should ever end a sentence that starts “It’s not rape if…” is with “all parties involved consent.”
(NB this is not an invitation to come up with a ‘clever’ exception to that rule.)
I know, I know, you think that you’ve found another exception — there’s a really good, important, thing you want to say about something else that’s definitely not rape, and you even checked with an actual woman. But honestly, that’s the rule.
If you say *any* other statement — *ANY* — that starts with those four words, it will be heard by every single woman in the world, and a larger percentage of men than you realise, as “I am a rapist and will, if given the chance, rape you, specifically.”
No. Honestly. I know you think you’re talking about something that isn’t rape, so it’s OK, and this is an exception. But it’s not. That’s what you’re actually saying.
Now, for the small percentage of you who actually *are* rapists, then this is a helpful signal for you to give out — it lets the rest of us know to avoid you, so by all means carry on publicly listing all the things that you think aren’t actually rape (but are, all of them, rape). But for those of you who aren’t rapists, you might not want everyone thinking that you are a rapist and that you support other rapists because you think rape is a good thing. If you don’t want to give that impression, just follow that simple rule above and everything will be a lot easier for all concerned.