It doesn’t smell of pasties, except when near a Greggs.
Likewise, it doesn’t smell of fish.
It has no bits of unspoiled natural beauty that are only viewable from the tops of enormous steep hills, which look exactly like the other bit of unspoiled natural beauty that you just saw on top of a different enormous steep hill.
It has shops which sell things which have neither a pirate theme nor the words “A present from St Ives” written on them.
It has roads which are wide enough to drive cars down, and which have pavements near them on which people can walk.
These roads also go in a line from the place you are to the place you’re going, without taking a detour over four hills.
But you don’t have to go far on them, because things are near other things, rather than everything being in a tiny village five miles away from the other tiny village that you’re currently in.
The skies are a proper grey colour, not this weird shiny blue nonsense.
People don’t say things like “This train stinks of tourists”
You can sleep past 6AM without seagulls making a horrible screeching caterwauling sound outside your window.
There are kebab shops and fried chicken places, so if you want some food at midnight you can go across the reasonably sized road that isn’t made up entirely of sharp corners it’s impossible to see round, and get some.
There are many more, but that’s enough to get started with, I think. I’ll be home in a few hours, and very glad of it.