One good thing about using wordpress is that you get to see what people are searching for when they land on your page. It’s quite instructive to see what things you’re writing are actually drawing in readers (a quite staggering number of people get here looking for information about Glenn Tilbrook, who I’ve only written one post about, for example).

However, there are some people who appear to be looking for things which I won’t have helped them with, and some where I honestly can’t imagine how they got here. However, wishing to always be helpful, I will try to answer as many of the queries of these poor lost wanderers as possible:

“maumamayama”
It’s a made up word. Honestly. No matter how many times you search for it (and some of you are searching a lot) you won’t find anything that isn’t related to the Brian Wilson album. It’s not any kind of secret sanskrit chant or anything – just mouth noises.

“grant morrison music”
Never heard any myself, but try doing a search for “The Fauves”.

“wall street village day- four seasons ly”
They’re not out there on the internet (I’ve looked), but if you’re not naughty and actually buy the album rather than downloading the MP3s (unlike, er, myself – but I do have the excuse that it was out of print at the time) they’re printed on the cover.

“dvd recorder picture wobbles only on itv”
Try unplugging the SCART lead then plugging it back in.

“woody allen final crisis grant morrison”
That’s not actually Woody Allen, it’s a character called Merryman from an old parody superhero team called The Inferior Five. Morrison also used him in Animal Man.

“porno very old nanoman”
I don’t even want to think about whatever it is you’re looking for, I’m afraid.

“mental health comics”
Depends what you’re looking for. If you’re looking for comics *about* mental health issues, then I highly recommend Chester Brown’s autobiographical “My Mother Was A Schizophrenic” (reprinted in The Little Man: Short Strips 1980 – 1995 ) – there’s definitely a version floating around on the net too, but I can’t find it. However, I’d warn you not to just accept the stuff he says about R.D. Laing uncritically – Brown’s both quite a dogmatic libertarian and someone who’s had to come to terms with his mother’s mental illness, and his support of Laing’s ideas seems more based around those two things than the merits of Laing’s views.
If you’re looking for comics created by someone with mental health issues, then get hold of Cerebus by Dave Sim, who is both the greatest comic creator ever and quite seriously mentally ill.

“torrent wondermints”
I would not advocate downloading bittorrents of any of the Wondermints’ official releases – they’re not exactly multi-millionaires, and they probably need the money from legitimate sales. However, the wonderful Power Pop Criminals blog did upload a compilation of their early demo cassettes, which should still be downloadable here (clicking the title on that page will take you to a rapidshare site with a .rar file of the CDs).

“”now people” century love affair”
If you want a copy of The Last Great Twentieth Century Love Affair by the Now People, I suggest you try Amazon. If you just want to read a review of it, it’s on my to-do list. It’s a very good album, though.

“christian music”
I suggest Jesu, Joy Of Man’s Desiring by Bach, Brian Wilson’s version of Joy To The World, any of Al Green’s gospel albums, Handel’s Messiah, anything by the Five Blind Boys of Alabama, and anything by the Staples Singers.

‘”inform 7″ errors’
These should be reported to Graham Nelson using the form at http://inform-fiction.org

“timmy mallet descendant of the queen”
Either someone has been keeping a *very* juicy scandal from me, or you’re not going to get very far looking for this.

“nicola bryant cleavage”
Try the DVD of The Two Doctors, although personally I’m more interested in Ms Bryant’s acting than in her cleavage. I can’t be of any help for the person who searched for “nicola bryant spandex” though…

And some I can’t be of any help with at all:
“guignol prostitute omega”
“circle jerk stories”
“best blog post ever”