Sci-Ence! Justice Leak!

Brief Note About The Kinks Posts

Posted in Uncategorized by Andrew Hickey on January 22, 2012

I’m starting, today, to serialise my next music book here. This one is on The Kinks. Just a note as to how I’m dealing with the records. For each album, I’ll be using the most complete version to have been released (usually the 2-CD deluxe editions that were released last year) – any bonus tracks mentioned will have been from those. I will not, however, deal with every alternate version of every song – I’ll only mention mono and stereo differences, live versions and so on if there is a genuine reason for them to be notable.

I’m also not going to be particularly kind about the first couple of albums. This is because, other than the singles, they’re not very good. This doesn’t mean that I’ll carry on being unkind, though – the run of albums from Face To Face through Everybody’s In Showbiz is near-perfect, and I’ll be saying so when we get to those.

The first post, on Kinks, will be up in a few hours.

Bigger On The Outside: The Book Of The War

Posted in books, Doctor Who by Andrew Hickey on January 22, 2012

(For those who haven’t been reading my blog before, or who’ve forgotten, I’ve been doing a series of posts (to be turned into a book, with luck) on Doctor Who spinoffery. Click the ‘bigger on the outside’ tag to read the rest of these posts.)

For those who are interested in ideas, The Book Of The War is quite probably the single best thing ever to have come out of Doctor Who.

In the late 1990s and early 2000s, the BBC had taken control of the ongoing series of Doctor Who books, and put out a series featuring the Eighth Doctor. Much of this series was regarded at the time as being a bit rubbish, not least because a lot of it was – The Eight Doctors and War Of The Daleks, in particular, are just bad fanfic, written to explain away or rewrite things their authors didn’t like (and the fact that one of those books is by Terrance Dicks, the single biggest contributor to Doctor Who ever, doesn’t stop it being bad fanfic. Picasso was once asked to separate a pile of paintings into real Picassos and forgeries. After putting one into the forgery pile, someone said to him “But Pablo, I was with you when you painted that one”, to which he replied “No matter. I can fake a Picasso as well as anyone.”)

But some of them were extremely good. Those by Lance Parkin and Paul Magrs we’ll come back to later in this series of articles, but there was also a set of books, starting with Alien Bodies by Lawrence Miles, which set up a fascinating plot thread – a war, at some time in the Doctor’s future, between the Time Lords and an unnamed Enemy. There was also a third party in this war, a renegade faction of the Time Lords known as Faction Paradox, and several smaller parties.

Unfortunately, the editor of BBC Books at the time decided to wrap this storyline up in a rather spectacularly dull way, and to write almost all of the elements that had been introduced in this story out of ‘continuity’.

But if you’ve read this far, you’ll know what I think about ‘continuity’, and Miles and several of the other authors involved evidently had the same view. Seeing no reason to waste a good idea, a series of Faction Paradox books and audio adventures was started which continues to this day, and The Book Of The War was the first, and one of the best, result.

The Book Of The War is the work of ten different authors – some, like Miles himself, or Simon Bucher-Jones, or Daniel O’Mahony, having written excellent books in the Doctor Who ranges before, while others, like Philip Purser-Hallard, were doing great work on the fringes of Who fiction without ever writing a ‘proper’ Doctor Who story. The book is structured as some combination of encyclopaedia, role-playing sourcebook and hypertext, and purports to provide background information on a war in time between the ‘Great Houses’, an ancient semi-godlike race of time travellers who kept the structure of history together, and their unnamed Enemy.

I say ‘purports’ because what this book actually is is an assault on the dull, literalist way of reading that most Doctor Who fans had.

While Doctor Who itself has at its best always attacked the idea of simple binary choices, that way of perceiving things pervades everything in our culture. Conservative or Labour, Mac or Windows, gay or straight, male or female, if you don’t pick a side, you will be assigned one anyway. Everyone knew that the Lib Dems were ‘really’ just Labour-lite, until they entered coalition and they’re now ‘really’ Tories. Bisexuals are ‘really’ gay people in denial or straight people trying to look interesting. And so on.

And so for a lot of the readers of the Eighth Doctor War stories, the single most interesting question had been ‘who is the Enemy?’ [FOOTNOTE A question which may contain its own answer...or may not.] They saw a war, and read it as having two sides, despite it originally being described as having at least four – the Time Lords/Great Houses, the Enemy, the Celestis and Faction Paradox – with many other factions such as The Remote later being described. So obviously the only thing of interest was who the Enemy ‘really’ were.

We get a lot of hints as to who the Enemy are in The Book of The War, and they do seem to point to an answer (the answer here seems to be that the Enemy are actually the Great Houses themselves, or a group within them, grown so bored and decadent that they have to invent a war with themselves in order to have a reason for existence). But it’s made clear that who the Enemy really are simply isn’t important – and indeed, the various books seem to suggest that Lawrence Miles, who edited this book and is more or less in charge of the Faction Paradox book range, has had different ideas as to who the Enemy are at different times. Indeed, it is entirely possible that each author of this book had his or her own idea who the Enemy were.

But further, the whole book goes out of its way to throw doubt upon the stories it’s telling. Attentive readers will be able to tell, for example, that the whole War itself is merely a feint for some larger plan, involving House Lolita, a single individual who is (we know from one of Miles’ short stories) the Master’s TARDIS (and the Master of course may or may not be the same person as the War King who is now in charge of the Great Houses, and his Presidency during the War may or may not be tied into Lolita’s scheme). There are at least three characters in the book who may or may not be the Doctor, all of whom are on different sides in the War.

The very text of the book itself presents itself both as fallible and as existing within the War universe – the text itself is corrupt, both in the sense of having (deliberate) mistakes in it, and in the sense that it reads as propaganda for one of the sides in the War – which one is open to question.

This corruption of the text exists from even the indicia, where we have “First printing September 2002. Almost certainly printed in Illinois” and “No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical or biological”. It’s not often the copyright warnings in a book forbid you to even remember it – and of course this ties in with the material on biodata later on.

Parts of the book have been censored – every entry relating to the Enemy has been deleted, although the links to them remain. Other parts, parts giving crucial bits of information, are interrupted by a ‘conceptual entity’ called The Shift who lives in the relation between the book’s words and the reader’s mind. And then there are entries like this:

“YOU” DIVERSIONS [House Military: Culture] Of increasing interest and concern to the Houses is the concept of interactive propaganda: the interweaving of propaganda messages into the receptors of a target audience’s brain, or even directly into the audience’s local culture. This is a typical tactic of the conceptual entities, but since the enemy gained some understanding of the same technologies the “trick” has become more widespread and more aggressive. YOU, YES YOU – REALLY – YOU. YOU BOUGHT THIS, THEN? THEY’RE TRYING TO TELL YOU THAT THIS CAN BE HISTORY. THIS POLITE FICTION YOU’RE READING INSISTS THAT THE WAR WILL BE SOON BE OVER, THAT IT HAS A SPECIFIC “FIRST FIFTY YEARS”. WELL, IT HASN’T. IT ISN’T OVER. IT’S NEVER OVER. ONE IN EVERY THOUSAND PIECES OF INFORMATION IN THIS TEXT HAS BEEN RE-ENGINEERED. THE MATERIAL BEYOND THIS POINT IS PROGRAMMING HYPERLANGUAGE ONLY YOUR LOCAL IDENTITY IS ENDING. PAY NO ATTENTION. YOU WANTED TO KNOW WHO’D FIGHT FOR THE REBEL HOUSES? WHO’D BEAR ARMS AGAINST THE ENGINEERS OF HISTORY? YOU WOULD, would be a typical opening gambit in such cases.

After its appearance, the recipients of such messages would be told to await activation instructions. Often the level of paranoia induced by this would be sufficient to disrupt normal activities, the same exploitation of House anxiety also reflected in the principles of xenoprediction and mentioned in the “Probability” Doctrine. In some cases the propaganda thrust would be augmented by a secondary double-bluff, suggesting that the text did in fact originate from legitimate sources, which would then be undercut. THE PREVIOUS SENTENCES WERE A LIE, AWAIT INSTRUCTIONS would be a typically smug signing-off for such a message. It would then be followed by some vague, largely meaningless command such as WAIT, ACTIVATION LOCK ACCOMPLISHED.

The fact that almost any action could be construed as having obeyed the allegedly treasonous command is almost always sufficient to ensure that the messages aren’t even reported to the higher ranks.

Much of the book works on multiple levels, sometimes obviously like this, sometimes more subtly. There’s a description of a plot of a bad late-90s blockbuster film, for example, which reads like (and is) a parody of both Mulan and The Phantom Menace. It’s also a good description of the plot of some of Miles’ later Faction Paradox audio dramas, and itself gives another conflicting clue as to what is ‘really’ going on.

This is a book that’s full of ideas. Almost all of its several hundred entries would make the basis of fine short stories in themselves (and several of them made the background for Philip Purser-Hallard’s marvellous novel Of The City Of The Saved). There are digs at Richard Dawkins’ lack of imagination, expansions on the ideas of Teillhard de Chardin, parodies of Ally McBeal and reality TV, conspiracy theories, a subplot inspired by Godel, Escher, Bach and much more.

Possibly the closest comparison to this book is Grant Morrison’s The Invisibles, but where that comic series takes ITC adventure serials, with their relatively limited scope, as its point of departure, The Book Of The War builds an entire mythology – or multiple mythologies – out of asides from Robert Holmes scripts.[FOOTNOTE - The Book Of The War is a much, much more mature work, too, far less concerned with a rather sixth-form idea of cool.] And this is definitely the Robert Holmes vision of Doctor Who, rather than any other, but fleshed out, and with the world foregrounded, rather than the character of the Doctor.

But most importantly, it’s a book that you have to approach as a critical reader. It forces its own unreliability to the foreground, and resists all attempts to fit its narrative into a simple binary, goodies vs baddies, format.

Or, at least, that’s what I think…

Linkblogging For 19/01/12

Posted in linkblogging by Andrew Hickey on January 19, 2012

I’ve got some decent posts lined up for the next few days – How We Know What We Know and Bigger On The Outside ones, and one on the Kinks, but I’m tired today, so just links.

Apple’s new iBooks Author program has a EULA which states that you can’t use the program (essentially a jumped-up text editor) to write a book if you want to sell that book through any stores other than Apple’s! Sometimes people wonder why I only use Free (as in freedom) Software (well, other than Spotify…) and this kind of thing is why. When I write a book in LyX, I can do whatever I want, not just with the book but with the program as well.
But this is part of an incredibly stupid war that’s going on now with the major ebook stores trying desperately to get as many writers as they can to be exclusive (see also the even-more-evil Amazon KDP Select), so they can claim to sell more books than their competitors, even if those books are written by the kind of people who fall for things like that.

Andrew Rilstone has put out his latest book. This one’s on the Inklings, and I’ve been looking forward to it for a long time. Incidentally, if you buy his book from Lulu today or tomorrow, you can use the price code PRICETHAWUK to get 20% off. That applies to all Lulu books, so why not pick up some of mine, or my uncle’s, or Simon Bucher-Jones’ or Lawrence Burton’s or Chris Browning’s too? But do buy Andrew’s book – the parts of it that he’s posted on his blog are great.

Hammer are reissuing their 1958 Dracula with additional restored footage.

Bob Temuka on a rather different version of Cerebus

And Arkhonia continues his series of Smile posts with one on the great Van Dyke Parks.

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New Who Post On Mindless Ones

Posted in Uncategorized by Andrew Hickey on January 19, 2012

In which I discuss The Evil Of the Daleks, missing episodes, collage, steampunk and censorship.

Or at least, it’ll be up once the Mindless Ones site is back up after our strike in solidarity with the SOPA protest.

Because someone asked

Posted in Uncategorized by Andrew Hickey on January 18, 2012

My short story Bubble Universe is eligible for Hugo nomination for Best Short Story, An Incomprehensible Condition is eligible for Best Related Work (and Sci-Ence! probably is as well), and I would be eligible for Best Fan Writer.
Note that I do not expect to get nominated for any of these, but someone asked, so I’m telling you.

In other news my next Who Mindless post will be up tonight, and proper posting to this blog will resume tomorrow. I’m also hoping to get back on Twitter properly.

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Time Detective Part 1

Posted in fiction by Andrew Hickey on January 12, 2012

I’m too ill to write today (my blood pressure’s increased. giving me an awful headache), but I found this on my hard drive when looking for something else. It’s the first chapter of a science fiction detective novella I started writing. If people like it, I’ll write the rest. Let me know what you think:

Time Detective
I got into my office about ten minutes after I received the message from myself, letting me know the client was going to be coming. I could have got there quicker, but I like to leave a little bit of time to let myself get out of the way.

I’d not been in for a week, since getting the first message from myself, telling me to keep clear, but the place was pretty much exactly as I’d left it.

Work had been a bit light for a couple of months. There are only so many adulterous husbands you can follow or pet cats you can track down before you realise that the life of a private detective is staggeringly unlike that of a Philip Marlowe or a Sherlock Holmes. Unless there’s a Holmes story I’ve not read called “The Case Of The Drunken Arsehole Who Gave His Wife The Clap”, anyway. It’s an unpleasant, dirty, sleazy job, and not one I’d recommend to anyone else.

Of course, I have certain… advantages… that make me very, very good at it. And that was why I was heading to my office at the ridiculous hour of ten in the morning, to meet up with someone who would undoubtedly be asking me if I could add up the clues of the used condom wrapper she’d found in her husband’s pocket and the money that had been disappearing from their joint account and come up with an answer she might actually like.

So I got to my office and opened a bottle of whisky. The truth is, I don’t touch the stuff, but I found early on that clients want to see a hard-boiled hard-drinking Sam Spade gumshoe, even when you’re operating out of a rented office suite in a suburban industrial estate. The smell of whisky, like the five o’clock shadow, makes them think you’re a rule-breaking wise guy who kicks ass and takes names.

And of course there’s an element of truth in that – you have to be prepared to do a few things in this business that are, at best, dubiously ethical. Though not so much in the cases with the lost cats. And you have to be prepared to defend yourself. I’ve had a few newly-ex husbands come to see me to try to extract their alimony payments from me in the form of teeth.

But in general, that kind of thing is all about image. You can go down two routes in this business. You can either look like an actual thug – skinhead, broken nose, missing teeth, neck wider than your head – or you can go for the more sophisticated-but-still-dangerous look. Give the impression of a man weighted down by a great and terrible secret that means he has nothing left to lose. The latter is not only easier when you’re as skinny as I am, but it also gets you a better class of customer. I’m not really interested in the type of cases that require breaking someone’s kneecaps.

So I open the bottle, undo the top button of my shirt, loosen my tie, basically all the stuff that will give the impression that I’m a 1940s film noir macho man and not Bill Dobson from Wilmslow, who still shares a flat with a bloke he met at university, and whose reading matter tends more towards New Scientist and The Guardian than thrillers.

The client doesn’t know I know she’s coming, of course, which allows me to get into the perfect position for when she opens the door. I turn my chair round so I’m facing away from the door, put my feet up on the small filing cabinet I only keep for this purpose (I store all the information about my cases on my iPad, but that doesn’t really fit the image), and hold my phone up to my ear and pretend to be talking to a satisfied client.

“…No, no, that’s absolutely fine,” the door opens behind me and I raise a finger, in a ‘wait one moment’ motion, “there’s absolutely no need for a reward. You’ve already paid me handsomely…”

The phone is smashed out of my hand, and knocked to the floor, and my chair is spun around, knocking my feet off the cabinet and sending me flying to the floor.

“Shit, that’s all I need,” I thought to myself, “an angry husband.”

It’s at times like those that I really wish I’d been able to figure out a better way of warning myself about things like this.

But then I looked across, and from my admittedly limited vantage-point, it looked to me like this wasn’t an angry husband at all. While it’s not completely unknown for angry husbands to be wearing high-heeled shoes, most of them were in a larger size than this, and very few of them had the legs to really carry it off.

“You bastard!” the not-husband screamed at me.

I staggered to my knees and looked up. Definitely not a husband.

“You bastard!” the not-husband repeated, keeping to a theme she was evidently comfortable with, “You utter bastard! Paul trusted you!”

This was not how I was expecting the day to go at all, and if it weren’t for the fact that it’d have caused a paradox I’d have wished I’d stayed in bed and let myself deal with it.

“Excuse me,” I said, as calmly as I could with my head still at the not-husband’s groin level, “but would you mind explaining to me what you’re talking about?”

“Paul. Paul Bradshaw. Your client! My husband!”

Now, this was suddenly starting to make sense. I’d obviously let my client down in some way. The fact that this particular client’s name was completely unknown to me didn’t really matter – if you learn clients’ names, you only get attached to them, and the next thing you know you’re submitting accurate expense forms. Plus, of course, there are always those clients whose names I’ve not been told. From the sounds of things, Paul was one of them.

“Sorry, I’m not really awake yet. Would you mind telling me exactly how I let him down?”

“He’s dead! And it’s your fault!”

Well, as let-downs go, that’s certainly a big one. But I was still not sure exactly how this was my fault.

“What happened?”

“I found him last night, when I came home from work. He was hanging from the bannister, holding a note in his hand that just said ‘I’m sorry’.”

She burst into tears. By this time I’d finally got to my feet, so I pulled up a chair for her, and she sat down. I sat on the desk and handed her the box of Kleenex I keep for such situations, making a mental note to invoice her for it if she became a client.

“So he killed himself, then?”

She looked up at me, incredulously. “No, of course not!”

“But… but the note…”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realise that sign on your door actually read Private Defective. Of course he didn’t fucking kill himself. He was murdered.”

“Murdered?”

“Yes, merrderred,” she said, doing a rather poor impression of my voice. Under the circumstances I could, of course, understand her being less than friendly, but this was still not exactly the most pleasant introduction to a client I’d ever had.

“Do the police agree?”

“Of course not! If they thought he’d been murdered, they’d have to do some sodding work! It’s already down as suicide, case closed, end of story!”

“So what makes you so sure it wasn’t suicide?”

“OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE! If he was going to kill himself, he’d hardly have hired you as a bodyguard, would he? Arsehole.”

And it all snapped into place.

Poor Paul must have hired me as a bodyguard about a week ago, because he was in fear for his life. Obviously, I’d not done a particularly wonderful job of guarding his body, as it was no longer in the state he’d wanted me to keep it in, viz. breathing, conscious, etc.

All of a sudden, it became entirely apparent that the not-husband was, in fact, being rather more charitable to me than I’d thought. I’d taken her husband’s money, and promised to keep him safe, and he’d died. Under the circumstances, the fact that I still had the same number of teeth I’d woken up with was far more than I could have expected.

“I…I can’t apologise enough.”

“No. No you can’t.”

“I did everything I could, believe me,” though why she should believe me when I clearly hadn’t done everything I could, I didn’t know, “and I will never, ever forgive myself for letting your husband down like this.”

That, at least, was true.

She burst into tears. “I’m sorry. I know you did. Nobody could have saved him, by the end. It’s just… I’m sorry…”

I didn’t know what to say, so I ended up saying the worst possible thing I could have done, under the circumstances.

“Look, I may not be a good bodyguard – it’s not something I normally do, and I’ve no idea why I agreed to do it for Paul – but I’m the best detective I know of. I can’t bring Paul back. No-one can. Nothing can make this better. But I promise you this – I will hunt down the bastard who did this and bring them to justice.”

She looked up at me “Really?”

“Yes, really. In fact, you have my guarantee that I’ll have enough evidence to get them arrested and tried within two days.”

Shit.

I shouldn’t have said that.

Now I only had a week to get the evidence together.

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Linkblogging For 11/01/02

Posted in linkblogging by Andrew Hickey on January 11, 2012

I meant to get the next Who post for Mindless Ones up today, but I’ve got a blinding headache, so you just get links. The post will probably be up tomorrow.

Teatime Brutality had a great post about Doctor Who and canonicity. I only followed the parts of the discussion that showed up on his (her?) tumblr (a problem with tumblr for those who like to follow discussions is it gets fragmented over half a dozen people’s blogs), but there were some great points about Morrison’s Batman being closer to Lance Parkin than Paul Magrs as well as some shorter comments. (Warning, BTW, like all tumblrs that have ever existed, Teatime Brutality’s contains random porn images interspersed with the other stuff. The pages I’ve linked are safe for work, but the tumblr itself may not be).

The Vault Of Horror is celebrating 90 years of Nosferatu

Arkhonia continues his long series of posts about Smile with this one analysing the 1967 TV programme Inside Pop, arguing (rightly) that Smile needs to be seen in a wider context of American popular music, rather than from the narrow, list-based ‘rock’ viewpoint. (And see above about ‘canon’ again. Canons obliterate context. That’s almost their *purpose*).

Ragnell is furious at Warren Ellis for having Captain America condone torture.

And Apple, Rim and Nokia added backdoors for the Indian government to intercept communications using their mobile phones. People wonder why I won’t have a mobile phone even though they’ve now turned into mini pocket computers and you don’t even need to do the phone call bit – it’s because I want to control what code is or isn’t running on any computer I own.

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Doctor Watson ebook now out

Posted in books by Andrew Hickey on January 8, 2012

Priced $2.99. The text is slightly different from what was published here, as Richard Flowers made some useful suggestions. It also has a cover and a short introduction. It will be out within a couple of hours on Amazon (US) and Amazon (UK), and is already available for all non-Kindle formats at Smashwords.

As always, this is totally DRM-free. Given the relative lack of popularity of this story, whether I do any more will depend on sales of the ebook.

No print book at the moment (the story’s too short to justify it) but if I do more I may do a collected edition.

Coming Soon…

Posted in books by Andrew Hickey on January 8, 2012

Cover to Doctor Watson Investigates: The Case Of the Scarlet Neckerchief

Available as an ebook tonight…

Epilogue: Doctor Watson Investigates – The Case Of The Scarlet Neckerchief, the final part

Posted in books by Andrew Hickey on January 8, 2012

(To read the rest of the story, click on the Doctor Watson Investigates tag at the bottom. A revised ebook of this story is now available – on Amazon (US), Amazon (UK) and Smashwords.).

On Holmes’ return, I told him of the events that had occurred while he was away, and how I’d solved the mystery.

“The red hair was the clue, of course,” he said, “along with you finding the killer’s face familiar. It was, of course, a family resemblance to his half-sister, the woman he claimed was his fiancee.”

“So you guessed that, too?”

“It was the only plausible explanation. The resemblance between the two sisters was too close to be anything other than biological kinship. Their being actual sisters was, of course, out of the question – Lord Hernshire is known to be a man of the utmost propriety – so they must be cousins.”
“That she was left on the doorstep suggests that she was born of some improper liaison, so one must look to males of the family, and we have only one suspect – the mother’s elder brother, thought deceased. And when someone with similarly red hair appears, who spends much of his time in the African colonies – the same colonies where the elder brother disappeared, presumed dead – that would tend to confirm the supposition. Roger Courtenay and Rose Travers were half-siblings, with the same father but different mothers. The one piece that eludes me is why he did this. What kind of scoundrel could become engaged to his sister, let alone kill her?”

“Oh Holmes, and you’d done so well! He mentioned, did he not, that he had nearly been engaged to Cynthia?”

“Of course, I see now!”

“Yes. He came to England hoping to claim the fortune he should have inherited, only to find that his father had been presumed dead while away in Africa. He at first intended to propose to Cynthia Travers, hoping by marriage to her to reclaim his inheritance, but when he met Rose and heard how she had come to be part of the family, he decided she needed to share in her birthright too. They concocted a plot together, to fake a marriage and also murder the elder sister, and to return to Africa with their inheritance and go their separate ways. A most despicable plot!”

“And of course they first faked the disappearance of the younger sister. The plan was to have Rose pretend to be Cynthia and make it widely known that Rose had disappeared and was likely dead. Then when they killed Cynthia, Rose could turn up again saying she’d escaped from Cynthia’s killer.”

“The one thing I don’t understand, Holmes, is why come to ask you for help? Why risk exposure?”

“Ah, Watson, I am glad to see that your new application of my methods has not quite rendered me superfluous! They wished to make it as widely known as possible that Rose Travers had been kidnapped, so that their story would appear watertight. They also wished for Rose to be away from Hernshire temporarily, so had her travel to London. And of course, that was their downfall, and the cause of Rose’s death, for they had not reckoned on you, Watson.”

“On me?”

“On your good and chivalrous nature. Had I been present, I should undoubtedly have told her to return to Hernshire and wire me as events developed – this is my normal practice. They would then have been able to commit their murder with no-one the wiser. But you, Watson, have a better soul than I. You could not stand to see a woman suffering, so you took her to your house and then took it upon yourself to travel down there and investigate, arriving before the planned murder.”

“This of course made the deception plain, and Hemingford did the only thing he could think of in the situation – he staged his own kidnapping, murdered the only witness to his plot, and attempted to escape back to the colonies. And he very nearly succeeded.”

“You know, Holmes, I would not have been nearly so protective had it not been…”

“Yes. I know. But on to happier matters. My trip was successful, you shall be pleased to hear.”

“What was it you were doing over there, Holmes?”

“Ah, that I cannot tell even you, Watson. But the end result, I think I can. I think I may have prevented a rather large war. Or if not prevented, at least postponed by some twenty years.”

I felt chastened. Holmes had prevented a war, while I, applying his methods, had not even been able to prevent the death of one woman (although as I now realised she would have been a murderess without my intervention, my sorrow was much lessened).

But I had also proved, to myself at least, that I was not merely Holmes’ Sancho Panza. Maybe I should set up practice again, and maybe even find a new wife.

A knock came at the door, and a man entered. He had only one arm, and was clutching a pair of bagpipes to his chest.

“Mr. Holmes, I need your help,” he began.

I decided to stay with Holmes a little longer.

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