Wednesday Comics

July 9, 2009 by Andrew Hickey

Remember last week how I talked about the Bat-titles being like an explanation of what a ‘good comic’ and a ‘bad comic’ are? This one’s a Good Comic, and much like the Bat-titles the quality rests almost entirely on the art

DC Comics have, for the last few years, been publishing weekly comics stories pretty much consistently. They started with the fifty-two issue 52, where they decided to put all their best/most popular writers on one title, along with Keith Giffen to provide layouts (and Giffen’s one of the best straight clean storytellers in comics), and the wonderful J.G. Jones on covers, and got something that veered wildly in quality, but overall became one of the best superhero stories of the last decade or so – the flaws were made up for by the good bits and the sheer ambition of the thing.

They followed that with Countdown To Final Crisis, where they took a load of B-list ‘creators’ and made them write and draw offensively bad continuity-wank for fifty-two weeks. And after that they did Trinity for a year – a fifty-two part Kurt Busiek Justice League story that would have made a great twelve-issue series but felt stretched way beyond breaking point.

Wednesday Comics is different from all these. They’ve gone back to the 52 idea of getting the best people they could to work on it, which is always a good start, but this time they’re trying to do something like an American newspaper comics supplement – for twelve weeks they’ll be putting out a comic with fifteen one-page strips in it, on broadsheet size newsprint, featuring DC character both famous (Batman, Superman and Wonder Woman all appear, of course) and less so (Metal Men, Metamorpho, Deadman).

Now this kind of thing is something I’d hoped DC would do for a long time. A lot of DC’s best characters are incapable of sustaining a comic that would sell on its own, but put them in an anthology title with the big guns and people will buy them. I could even see non-comics-fans buying and enjoying this, were they ever to become aware of it – it has characters they’ve heard of and none of it is burdened by continuity.

And the art is almost uniformly great – the main problem is actually the writing. Which is not to say it’s badly-written, but the writers here all seem used to the pacing of the monthly decompressed comic – most of these pages (which are slightly under four times the size of a standard US comic page) have at most a single incident, and the pacing is sloppy, I’m sure all or most of the stories will work when read as a whole, but they’re not especially effective as serials.

The art’s a different matter – while the artists vary in style, there seems to be a consensus among them that being like Darwyn Cooke would probably be a good thing for this series, and that is, of course, no bad thing.

(Incidentally, I would be very interested to find out what the plans for collecting these stories are – the very nature of the format means these comics are going to be literally read to bits, and I’d like a permanent collection of them).

Batman by Brian Azarello and Eduardo Risso is one of the more conventional pages – in look and feel it’s very much of a piece with Batman: Year One and the like – shadowy art colourd in tones of yellow and brown.

Kamandi by Dave Gibbons and Ryan Sook is our first real experiment, putting Jack Kirby’s character into a Prince Valiant style art-plus-captions story. Unfortunately, most of what we have here is just a recap of who the character is, but Sook’s art is very pretty.

Superman by John Arcudi and Lee Bernejo isn’t very good – Bernejo’s art is far too static for my tastes.

Deadman by Dave Bullock and Vinton Heuck (with colours by Dave Stewart) is far more like it. This manages to recap Deadman’s origin and move a story forward. Bullock obviously desperately wants to be Darwyn Cooke, but that’s really no bad thing – this looks like a page of Cooke’s Spirit run.

Kurt Busiek and Joe Quiñones’ Green Lantern is more Cooke-lite – this time explicitly mentioning New Frontier. This one seems less promising than Deadman, but has possibilities.

Metamorpho by Neil Gaiman and Mike Allred is a real departure for Gaiman – working far outside his comfort zone here, he’s doing a note-perfect Bob Haney, and fills the story with silver age action – in the one page here, Metamorpho rescues Sapphire Stagg from a giant clam, gets attacked by a shark, and gets carried off in a Zeppelin. Gaiman’s having fun here, and Allred’s the perfect artist for this.

Teen Titans by Eddie Berganza and Stan Galloway is rubbish.

Paul Pope’s Strange Adventures can be summed up in one panel – “Why, they resemble nothing less than the Mandrillus Sphynx monkey of the family Cercopithecidae… only huge, blue-furred and operating strange flying machines. The sight would be patently absurd if it wasn’t so horrible!” – pulpy silber age fun done in Pope’s unique style.

Supergirl by Jimmy Palmiotti and Amanda Conner is how every Supergirl comic should be – Krypto and Streaky going wild in a pet shop and Supergirl wanting to stop them. Conner’s art is just perfect for this.

Metal Men by Dan DIdio , Jose Luis Garcia-Lopez and Kevin Nowlan, will be interesting to compare to the Giffen/DeMatteis/Maguire take coming out next month. Bearing little resemblance to the recent mini-series, this is the kind of thing DC used to publish in the mid-80s, but the good kind.

Wonder Woman by Ben Caldwell makes the most inventive use of the page, having by my count over forty panels of varying sizes and shapes, and a decent idea let down by literally the worst possible ending (he actually does end up with her waking up and discovering it was all a dream… or was it?)

Sgt Rock And Easy Co by Joe and Adam Kubert is Joe Kubert drawing Sgt. Rock, so we all know it’s good. Weirdly, this seems to have been composed for a smaller page size, and blown up to this size, with the consequent thicker lines and more sketchy look, it made me realise for the first time what a huge influence Kubert has been on British artists – not only Steve Dillon, but also Steve Yeowell, both of whom I can see in the last panel especially.

Flash by Karl KeselKerschl, Brenden Fletcher, Rob Leigh and Dave McCaig is wonderful. The page is split in two halves – the top has the Flash and Gorilla Grodd in a bit of an adventure in typical style (again supercompressed like the Wonder Woman one was), while the bottom half is the next part of the story told as an Iris West story, done in typical 50s romance comic style right down to the Bengay dots.

The Demon and Catwoman by Walt Simonson and Brian Stelfreeze seems very like the few issues of Catwoman’s own title I read, and the setup (Catwoman robbing Jason Blood’s home) could be promising.

And Kyle Baker’s Hawkman is, again, mostly setup (though like the better stories here there’s a cliffhanger of sorts) but it’s gorgeous looking stuff – easily the best art in the thing to my mind.

If DC keep showing the signs of improvement they’ve shown recently in their superhero line, with this, Batman & Robin and Detective, we might have to start thinking of the DC logo as a sign of quality…

Linkblogging for 08/07/09

July 8, 2009 by Andrew Hickey

Now that the evil burning day-star is finally being chased away a bit the writers’ block of the last few weeks seems to be easing slightly for me. I’ll hopefully be reviewing Wednesday Comics tomorrow, doing a Spotify playlist on Friday and a BFAW on Saturday. And I’m hoping to make quite a big announcement in the next week or so.

In the meantime, here’s some links.

For some reason, almost everyone whose blogs I read has been talking about Torchwood this week, including Jennie and Millennium, and they’re talking about it as if it’s somehow got good – I’m beginning to suspect some kind of (ahem) Liberal Conspiracy going on to try to get me to watch a truly terrible piece of TV. That said, even Lawrence Miles seems to like this one, and his ‘review’ is probably the most interesting, though also worrying (Miles doesn’t tend to leave these up very long though, so read it while you can)…

Chris Bird is still talking about why he should write Doctor Strange.

Amypoodle at the Mindless Ones has one of the best takes I’ve read so far on Batman & Robin 2.

Costigan Quist explains why the Tories are wrong about using Google for storing our health records. That this needs to be explained to anyone ever is one of the most incredibly depressing things I’ve ever heard.

In less depressing Google news, they’re planning to release their own free-software Linux based OS for web app users, using their Chrome browser as a basis for the UI (and I’ve been using Chromium, the fully-free version of Chrome, for a while now – it’s very nice). I use Linux-based there advisedly, as from the sound of it there’ll actually not be many GNU components if my understanding is right.

And a lot of people on Twitter all simultaneously noticed for the first time that the UK citizenship/residency test is an obscene, pointless waste of time and money that dehumanises all who come into contact with it and has no bearing on reality. I knew that already, as my wife is an immigrant, but most other people apparently didn’t. Charlotte sums up the views of those who have looked at it.

Batman Reborn

July 4, 2009 by Andrew Hickey

So, we’re now a month through the Batman Reborn ‘event’, it might be time to take stock of what’s been going on in the bat-titles ( I have of course reviewed a few of these titles here and here earlier…)

I’ve read all the ‘Batman Reborn’ titles except ‘Red Robin’, and it’s very obvious that despite the branding there is really no overarching ‘event’ going on at all here. Dini’s two titles are just unpleasant – Gotham City Sirens I dealt with before, but Streets Of Gotham is just as nasty in its own way, managing to combine mass-murder, child prostitution and continuity-wank into one perfectly horrible story.

I do wonder what on Earth happened to Dini. A couple of years ago his work on Detective was fresh and entertaining – fun, done in one superhero stories. But since around the time he started working on the egregious Countdown he has instead written some of the worst dreck I’ve ever read, and developed an obsession with Hush, a character that has not one single point of interest.

Meanwhile, the remaining title, Batman, is clearly the remedial readers’ title, as one would expect from a comic by Judd Winick and Ed Benes, with DIck Grayson explaining very clearly in words of one or two syllables everything that was implied by Morrison’s script for Batman & Robin#1 – that Batman is dead, that Dick Grayson is the new Batman, that he is not very happy about these things, and so on.

One could almost think that the new Bat-status had been set up specifically to educate superhero comics fans – “Look, this is what we call a good comic. GOOD comics can be recognised by having interesting stories, pictures which are nice to look at, and not leaving you feeling slightly soiled afterwards. THIS, on the other hand, is what we call a bad comic. In a bad comic, nothing happens that anyone could possibly care about, the women all look like stick figures with two circles drawn randomly in the chest area, and it makes you despair for the human race that anyone could possibly produce anything with such a grotesquely twisted moral tone. No, you CAN’T have the variant cover! BAD fanboy!” (smacks round the nose with a rolled-up copy of Gotham City Sirens)

One could think that at least, if one didn’t look through the comments on comics blogs. The comments to this post (I can’t link the comments directly, unfortunately) seem pretty typical – J.H. Williams’ art is “stagnant as the Dead Sea”, “confuses more than it clarifies”, “too hyper-realistic and stiff”, “tiresome” and “flashy show-off stuff that just distracts from the visuals”…

(Yes, that’s the J.H. Williams who does pages like this:)

bad art, apparently

bad art, apparently

So apparently the reaction of many superhero comic ‘readers’ when confronted with anything that might be called ‘good’ is to be scared and confused, because it makes things happen in their brain and that’s never happened before.

What’s particularly interesting is how much the two titles that might be called ‘any good at all’ rely on the quality of the art. Detective is a competent story with the best artist working in comics providing the art, while Batman And Robin is a very good story with the second-best artist working in comics providing the art. This is especially shown in Batman & Robin 2. This issue, the middle part of a three-part story, has very little in the way of plot, being almost all action, and most of that a fight scene, which provides a problem to reviewers like myself who can talk all day about writing but whose vocabulary for describing art stretches about as far as ‘pretty’.

It’s especially telling to compare this issue to anything from Morrison’s Bat-run from the last few years (other than the Black Glove story with Williams’ art) – the writing on those issues was just as good, but sometimes it was almost entirely unreadable, due to the artists not bothering with trivialities such as ‘telling the story’ or ‘drawing characters who look different from each other’. Here, even in a fairly story-light issue, the whole thing works, because Quitely’s ‘acting’ of the characters’ body-language and expression, and his layouts, and his staging, allow everything to move smoothly.

My favourite moment in the comic though shows what can be done by a good writer working within a superhero continuity. It’s the bit where Alfred talks to Dick about Dick’s ’showbusiness’ background and tells him to treat Batman as a role. Not only does this work within the story, which is based in his background in the circus, while also illuminating things about Dick’s character, it also points to deeper things about Dick and Alfred’s relationship. Before becoming a butler, Alfred was an actor (under the stage name ‘Alfred Beagle’) and that shared ’showbusiness’ background would be something Dick and Alfred would have shared, even though I’ve never seen it mentioned before in that context. So not only does it make sense that that metaphor would be one Alfred would think of, it illuminates their relationship by using a continuity point – but the story and that moment also still make perfect sense if you don’t know that.

That’s how continuity should be used – as something that adds resonance if you know it, but doesn’t detract if you don’t. Now, if only this ‘good comics’ thing would catch on…

So this ID card ‘news’ then…

July 1, 2009 by Andrew Hickey

I think my friend Dave has put it best

As far as I can see there has been no substantive change in policy here. Originally, it was going to be compulsory to go on the ID database when you applied for or renewed a passport, but otherwise ‘voluntary’, at least at first, but you’d definitely get an ID card when you got your passport. Now, you’ll only get the card if you ask for it, but everything else is unchanged.

The card itself has never been the primary issue for No2ID and the other civil libertarian organisations that have opposed the ID card scheme. Which is not to say it’s a *good* thing, by any stretch of the imagination – as far as I’m concerned the idea of a compulsory ID card would effectively make everyone criminal by default for the ‘crime’ of not wanting to pay a regressive tax in order to have the ‘privilege’ of proving your identity to people who don’t have any business asking for such proof in the first place.

But the problem has always been the national ID register itself. The idea of storing what amounts to someone’s entire life history – biological data, health records, financial data, records of all dealings with any government department, records of any dealings with authorised private contractors, address, marital status, income and much more – on a single, central database accessible by anyone working in government – has some slight problems.

Firstly, of course, there’s the fact that it can’t possibly work, but that’s hardly a new thing with multi-billion-pound government IT contracts. Oh, they can store the data, it just won’t be useful for anything…

Then there’s the fact that you will be obliged – for the rest of your life – to keep this data up to date, or face £1000 in fines. They’re not even having the decency to employ spies to watch over us all – we’re meant to do it ourselves!

Then there’s the matter of access. Work in a company that has a government IT contract but don’t want your boss to know about your visit to the STD clinic? Have a stalkerish ex who works at the Job Centre who you’d rather not know your new address? Well, you’d better trust to their sense of duty and professional ethics, then, hadn’t you? Because nothing else will stop them having that information…

And of course it’s going to stop benefit fraud, because nothing makes identity theft harder than having every single piece of information about everyone in the country collected onto one centralised system to which millions of people will have access…

So the very slight scaling back (for now) (and all I can see that has actually changed is that Manchester airport workers won’t be forced to have a card yet) of the obligation to have the card means nothing if the obligation to be on the database is kept. So once again this month (having skipped last month to see old horror films in Bradford – I’m not a very good activist really), I’ll be out campaigning with OpenID – Saturday 11th July 2009, 2pm-4pm, St Ann’s Square, Manchester.

But remember – the fact that they’re trying to make it *look* like we’ve won means they know they’ve lost. We’ve just got to back them down all the way…

Weird…

July 1, 2009 by Andrew Hickey

Just noticed that, on this computer at least, anything in italics on this blog is rendering as whitespace in Firefox. Not sure if this is a FF problem, a WordPress problem or something else. Will investigate tonight. In the meantime, apologies if this is affecting anyone else…

Linkblogging for 30/06/09

June 30, 2009 by Andrew Hickey

Just a few quick links here – possibly I’ll do a BFAW tomorrow, but I’m finding it hard to think in this sweltering heat. Someone please turn off the light in the big blue room?

Nina Stone has a review of Detective 854.

Anton Vowl thinks that when Richard Desmond dies we should “stick a camera right at his dying fat fucking face and slap it on the front cover of a magazine so that everyone in the world can see that this is what a dying – or already dead, who knows? – person looks like.” Yes, the Michael Jackson story continues to have repercussions…

Joe Otten talks about the times when public provision of services is necessary, whatever free market dogma says.

LemmusLemmus on the epistemology of the parrot sketch.

And Alex Wilcox looks at the Doctor Who story The War Games.

And, as promised, the answers to yesterday’s quiz :

1) He goes forty on the freeway, he plans his day round eBay, he’d rather watch Discovery Channel than an instant replay. – Nerdy Boys by Candypants
2) I’m not coming down, no matter what you do, I like it up here without you Mr Bellamy by Paul McCartney
3) I can’t hold you down if you want to fly, can’t you see I’m all broke up inside, well just you use your two X-ray eyes That’s Really Super, Supergirl – identified by Mike (who is right about the terrible shame that XTC have split up).
4) I know I’m a fool for you, but I’m leaving and that’s the truth Ya Had Me Goin’ by LEO
5) Some people always complain that their life is too short so they hurry it along Someday Man by Paul Williams
6) I realise that I’ve been in your eyes some kind of fool, why’d I do what I did? Stupid fish I drank the pool Say You Don’t Mind by Colin Blunstone – guessed by Jonathan Calder
7) Everywhere you go it’s de talk of de day, everywhere you go you hear people say, dat de Special Patrol dem a murderer Reggae Fi Peach by Linton Kwesi Johnson
8) You know the landlord he rings my front door bell, I let it ring for a little little spell Money Honey by Little Richard
9) Did you ever get the feeling that the truth is less revealing than a downright lie? And did you think your head was hip to certain things it’s not equipped to qualify? Shangri-La by The Rutles
10) You don’t know me so well and it’s not hard to tell when you know in your heart that it’s wrong Go Back by Crabby Appleton
11) Back porch preacher preaching at me, acting like he wrote the golden rule Clean Up Your Own Back Yard by Elvis Presley
12) I had to fix a lot of things this morning, cos they were so scrambled, but now it’s OK, I tell you I’ve got enough to do Busy Doin’ Nothin’ by The Beach Boys, guessed by TAD
13) I’ll string along I’ll string along oo whaoo whaoo whaoo, Come mornings my beads on a face, a thread, a thong, oo whaoo whaoo whaoo Rosary by Scott Walker, guessed by Gary
14) Pace the floor, stop and stare, I drink a cup of coffee and start a combing out my hair Forty Cups Of Coffee by Ella Mae Moore
15) He is not your run of the mill garden variety Alabama country fair. The All Golden by Van Dyke Parks
16) Dinosaurs lived a long time ago, they were terrible lizards, don’t you know? The Dinosaur Song by Johnny Cash
17) It’s not open to discussion any more, she’s out again tonight and I’m alone once more Baby Plays Around by Elvis Costello
18) Dear when you smile at me I heard a melody, it haunted me from the start Zing Went The Strings of My Heart by Judy Garland
19) I don’t give a damn what anyone thinks, I stay up all night and I smoke and I drink.Guilty As Charged by John C Reilly.

These songs can all be heard here. Now I’m off to die of hot.

Spotify Quiz!

June 29, 2009 by Andrew Hickey

My wife was earlier asking me to help her with a music quiz one of her friends had posted where you had to name the song from the lyric. Since I’m too hot to post coherently today, I thought I’d do one of those, but with a slight twist. All the lyrics below are the first lines of songs I’ve included in my spotify playlists previously. Tomorrow when I get home from work I’ll edit this to include the artist and titles, as well as a link to a playlist consisting of just these songs.

Have a go in the comments – person who gets the most right wins the satisfaction of knowing they know more songs than anyone else who reads this and can be bothered to comment:

1) He goes forty on the freeway, he plans his day round eBay, he’d rather watch Discovery Channel than an instant replay.
2) I’m not coming down, no matter what you do, I like it up here without you
3) I can’t hold you down if you want to fly, can’t you see I’m all broke up inside, well just you use your two X-ray eyes
4) I know I’m a fool for you, but I’m leaving and that’s the truth
5) Some people always complain that their life is too short so they hurry it along
6) I realise that I’ve been in your eyes some kind of fool, why’d I do what I did? Stupid fish I drank the pool
7) Everywhere you go it’s de talk of de day, everywhere you go you hear people say, dat de Special Patrol dem a murderer
8) You know the landlord he rings my front door bell, I let it ring for a little little spell
9) Did you ever get the feeling that the truth is less revealing than a downright lie? And did you think your head was hip to certain things it’s not equipped to qualify?
10) You don’t know me so well and it’s not hard to tell when you know in your heart that it’s wrong
11) Back porch preacher preaching at me, acting like he wrote the golden rule
12) I had to fix a lot of things this morning, cos they were so scrambled, but now it’s OK, I tell you I’ve got enough to do
13) I’ll string along I’ll string along oo whaoo whaoo whaoo, Come mornings my beads on a face, a thread, a thong, oo whaoo whaoo whaoo
14) Pace the floor, stop and stare, I drink a cup of coffee and start a combing out my hair
15) He is not your run of the mill garden variety Alabama country fair.
16) Dinosaurs lived a long time ago, they were terrible lizards, don’t you know?
17) It’s not open to discussion any more, she’s out again tonight and I’m alone once more
18) Dear when you smile at me I heard a melody, it haunted me from the start
19) I don’t give a damn what anyone thinks, I stay up all night and I smoke and I drink.

Linkblogging for 27/06/09

June 27, 2009 by Andrew Hickey

Just a quick one today as I’m visiting my parents…

Jess Nevins has the best piece I’ve read on the death of Michael Jackson, treating Jackson’s life as a Gothic text on which to perform literary analysis.

Patrick at Lib Dem Voice is calling for a repeal of section 141 of the Mental Health Act, which states that any MP who gets sectioned will be removed from their seat and not returned, no matter how brief their illness. This is something with which I absolutely agree – there is no reason why someone treated for, say, depression, can’t be an entirely productive MP later on.

The Mail are misogynist arseholes, film at eleven.

J.H. WIlliams and Todd Klein have collaborated on a print of the section of The Morte d’Arthur where he pulls the sword from the stone. I own two of Klein’s earlier prints, the collaborations with Alan Moore and Neil Gaiman, and they’re really very good indeed. I’ll probably buy this one to go with the others.

microRNA appears to target cancer cells specifically and trigger apoptosis. Very promising, but the actual paper cited is behind a pay-wall.

And Jon Morris is putting up MP3s of some old 78s he’s found.

Comics Review (Guaranteed 100% Michael Jackson Free*)

June 26, 2009 by Andrew Hickey

Sometimes there are comics that you can review before even reading them, and I was half tempted to do that with the two comics I’m going to review here. Going in, I knew exactly what I was going to get with these two comics, both part of the line-wide Batman revamp. Both feature female leads, in Gotham City, who have recently had serious heart injuries from which they bear both psychological and physical scars but manage to run round doing serious acrobatics and fighting in skin-tight leathers. One is extraordinarily good, the other is a meretricious piece of leering fanboyism.

Detective Comics, unsurprisingly, is the excellent one. It’s also quite difficult for me to review. I’m far more comfortable talking about writing than art, but the writing isn’t really the selling point of this comic for me.

Which is not to say the writing’s bad in any way – it’s Greg Rucka continuing the long story he started in 2005 in his parts of 52, and which has carried on through the Crime Bible mini and his Final Crisis tie-ins, while also reintroducing the characters for a new audience and adding a supporting cast and new villains to set up the Batwoman and Question stories as ongoing ones. Rucka does that competently and efficiently, (though I wonder how Batwoman’s father being a colonel works with her background as the daughter of an old-money family…) and fans of Rucka’s writing (like Debi ) will enjoy it. For me, though, Rucka is one of those writers whose work I’ll read if it’s there, and not seek out if it isn’t – on a level with Kurt Busiek or Mark Waid rather than Alan Moore or Dave Sim.

But Rucka is very much the weak link, relatively speaking, in the creative team here. The letterer is the great Todd Klein (actually not his best work – the font for Alice is very good but the rest is very standard) .

The colourist is Dave Stewart – the only current colourist (who doesn’t do anything else – I’m not here counting people like Jamie Grant who do other things as well) working in comics whose work I think actively improves the art – his work with Darwyn Cooke has been particularly impressive, and here his work is extraordinary. Most colourists for superhero comics tend to use flat colours, photoshop gradients or whatever to give a rather superficial set of colours that look more or less like the thing they’re meant to look like. I count three distinct palettes here, for different sections of the story, and a level of detail I’ve rarely seen – just look at the middle panel in the last page of the Batwoman story to see what I mean.

But the real star of the issue is J.H. Williams III. Williams is, without question, the best artist working in comics today. And this is where the problems come in, as I have less than no artistic vocabulary – all I can say is that I can look at even just his layouts all day, drinking in the sheer *design sense*, let alone his draughtsmanship, to say nothing of his storytelling ability. All I can say is that Williams tops himself with almost every page – he started out brilliant, and has only got better from there. Jog’s review makes a better fist of explaining the power of Williams’ work than I could, but still it’s fundamentally inexplicable – you just have to look at it.

In reviews, including this one, the backup feature – The Question – has been getting short shrift, and this isn’t really deserved. Rucka scripts this, too, and it will be tying in with the main storyline, and it’s a perfectly good story. Cully Hammer, the artist, is very good – he’s someone whose work I always enjoy – but he can’t help but suffer in comparison to Williams, and the colouring doesn’t help, being a similar enough palette to Stewart’s ’superhero scene’ one to invite comparisons, but far less nuanced. Read on its own, it’s a decent little eight-page setup, but it’s just not as good as the main story.

Paul Dini’s Masturbation Fantasy Gotham City Sirens on the other hand, is just terrible, and a proof that the Bechdel test is a minimum, not a guarantee of a lack of sexism (and still less, of course, a guarantee of any kind of quality). (Incidentally, I didn’t deliberately buy this – the comic shop stuck it in my pull list because I read other batbooks, and my wife picked my comics up this week).

On paper, the idea of a supervillain team consisting of Catwoman, Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn seems like a reasonable one. You could make a decent mid-market series out of that, with a writer who could do character-based humour and action scenes – someone like Gail Simone or the Giffen/DeMatteis team. It wouldn’t be great, but it’d be readable.

However, the script for this is by Paul Dini, and despite his love for these characters (and for Zatanna, who *of course* makes an appearance) he doesn’t actually bother to distinguish them as people (apart from a couple of lines for Harley where she uses contractions). Instead, he just has them spout exposition at each other in interchangeable voices. While Rucka reveals character, motivation and background through dialogue – making Kate Kane talk differently from her girlfriend who talks differently from Batman who talks differently from Kane’s military father, thus letting us know what kind of people these are, Dini, however, has moved past such trivia as ‘characterisation’ and ‘depth’ (even of the minimal kind found in the Batwoman story), preferring instead to use dialogue to recap plot points from what I presume are his own later Batman stories (after I gave up bothering with his run on Detective) and the abysmal Countdown. There is precisely one exchange in this story that rings at all true as something a human being might say (the ‘Nigerian scam’ panel). – everything else is, at best, Claremontian.

But Dini’s writing here, bad as it is, is not the real problem. The problem’s with the art. Artist Guillem March actually displays some talent here. In fact in some ways he’s too good for the script – he has a facility for facial expressions, and manages to make the characters ‘act’ surprisingly well, and display recognisable characteristics – but this is working against the script rather than for it.

The problem is that he’s far more interested in drawing arses than actually telling the story. Now, I have no particular problem with mildly sexualised or titillating art in comics per se – it’s not something I have any especial interest in, but whatever. Some of Williams’ art in Detective has a definite sexual undercurrent, and that’s fine – it adds to the story.

But look at the bottom (in both senses) of page ten of Gotham City Sirens (I would scan this in, but I’ve not installed the drivers on my new laptop yet). A huge shot of Catwoman’s arse, for no particular reason. And Harley and Ivy’s heads *level* with it, even though all three are standing up, close to each other, and there is no suggestion of looking at them from an angle – no perspective distortion at all. The only way this panel makes sense is if Harley and Ivy are kneeling or Catwoman is standing on a box, but only for this panel. In the next panel, meanwhile, Harley and Ivy have swapped places for no explicable reason except that the artist was too busy drawing Catwoman’s arse to care about coherent storytelling.

These two comics, for all their surface similarities, serve as almost perfect examples of How To Do It and How Not To Do It – polar opposites, except for one unfortunate fact. Despite the fact that these comics have female main characters, and are apparently intended to appeal to the female comics-reading audience, only two of the twenty people credited with some creative or editorial role are women (the colourist on the backup feature in Detective and an assistant editor on GCS). Which is not to say that only women can write or draw or edit comics about or for women – that would be a ludicrous suggestion. But I *do* think that if the numbers were nearer parity (not just on these titles, but in the industry as a whole) we would have rather fewer comics where women are undifferentiated holders of tits and arse, and rather more where they’re people. But how do we get that parity when comics like Gotham City Sirens exist?

*(I won’t even mention that Catwoman says ‘blame it on sunshine’…. Damn.)

A Tale Of Two Telephone Companies

June 25, 2009 by Andrew Hickey

Let me tell you about two telephone companies. One, let us call them Bastard Telecom, are bastards. If you can get connected at all, rather than getting delays and crossed lines, as we did, then just pray you never have any problems with your internet. For example if you simultaneously have a line problem *and* a router problem, as we did, then you will find, after speaking to twenty-plus people, many of whom will call you a liar or insult you personally, or, in the case of one bizarre man, try to quiz you on the principles of TCP/IP networking in the hope of catching you out, that the only way to get the line fixed *and* a new router is to cancel the broadband account and get them to set it up again. This will leave you with no service at all for a week, they tell you.

You will then find, shockingly, that they forget to bother to set up the new account. You will discover this when, the day they tell you the new service will be up, it isn’t. They will then tell you that you still need to wait another week if you want a connection, because they sent the engineer out to the exchange to remove your access (even though it was only a dummy disconnection) and need to send out another one to give it back again.

Meanwhile, they will be billing you for ‘Bastard Telecom Vision’, their TV service. This despite you not requesting it, it not being installed, you repeatedly telling them that you don’t want it, and them agreeing that you never asked for it or received it and they’ll stop the account. Even though you don’t have a TV, have never owned a TV in your adult life, and even if you did wouldn’t want a ’service’ whose only selling point was, until yesterday, the presence of Setanta Sports.

They will eventually send debt collectors after you, charging you £100 on top of the £26 they originally charged you for the service you never wanted or got. Meanwhile, of course, you aren’t receiving the only service you *did* want from them.

The second ‘phone company are Tiscali. Our experience with Tiscali was rather different. I phoned them up on Tuesday of last week and said “Can we have some internet please, since Bastard Telecom have messed us about?”
They replied “Certainly, though this might take two weeks, rather than the one week the Bastards say they will take”
To which I replied “That’s fine, as at this point I’d rather wait the extra time and be sure that I’ve got the connection, and I don’t want to give the Bastards my money.”

That was on Tuesday of last week. Today, six days sooner than they said it’d be ready, I got an email saying “Your line is connected, and your router should be with you within two days”. When I got home, the router was already there.

I am still on a contract with BT for the phone, which I can’t break, alas, but I would rather lose at least one of my testicles than ever do business with them again. On the other hand, Tiscali have thus far been exemplary – they’ve done what they said they would, without any further prompting, quicker than they said they would, and without me having to waste hours of my life on the phone listening to tinny recordings of The Marriage Of Figaro or bad sax solos. It may in fact be the first time in my entire life that that’s been the case with a phone company.

I’m sure Tiscali will do something to disappoint or annoy me soon enough – I do not believe there’s such a thing as a competent phone company in the UK – but they’re the first ever to get over the basic, tiny hurdle of saying they’ll do a thing and then doing the thing they say they’ll do rather than a different thing.

Normal blogging resumes tomorrow.

(ETA For some reason this didn’t post yesterday when I clicked post – it was meant to be posted last night)